I am not allowed to dream

According to my parents (specifically my mother) I am not allowed to dream

So today she told me that my cousin is going to Europe next summer and I told her that I actually want to go to Cuba or Europe next summer or the summer after next and the first thing she started to say was MARCELA WHAT ABOUT YOUR PLAN WHAT ABOUT THE PLAN

So then I told her Mami, the plan isn’t set in stone I haven’t even gotten into the internship

Then she said MARCELA YOU’RE LEARNING THIS FROM YOUR STUPID FRIENDS WHO ARE BAD INFLUENCES YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS THAT YOUR COUSIN IS GOING TO EUROPE

Obviously I’m fucking jealous that she’s going to Europe but I’ve actually being considering going abroad next summer after getting an internship

But I haven’t even been accepted to the internship yet so she has not right to tell me that I’m not following my plan

I know what I want to do

I don’t care if she doesn’t understand my plan, I know what I want to do

I’m starting to remember why in high school I enjoyed anonymity and lack of responsibility. There was a time my voice lacked influence and my decisions only affected myself, and I was ok with it, I got too big for my britches decided I needed some control and now I’m just like fuck what I say and do affects other people, and people will have actual reasons to be mad at me.

Dinner, my self-confidence, and breaking down my walls

So I think if you have been following my posts, I had my “date” today

I think it was a date (I need to ask a guy for their opinion)

At the very least he was testing the waters, trying to figure out where I am , he literally made sure it was clear to me that he was single

Who knows

So that date tomorrow….

It’s a date like honestly 

I know Will and I don’t hangout all that often and it’s really hard to make our schedules work (even though he knows I’m willing to make time for him) so when we do hangout it requires a lot of coordination 

But he called me today to figure out logistics

Either he’s grown up and is more mature and I’m in the same mental state

Or it’s an actual date

Like honestly whenever I plan anything with anyone we do it a few hours a head of time at the most usually it’s one the spot

This kid and I have already talked about this gathering, twice 

He called me, he actually called me

NO ONE CALLS PEOPLE 

He told me he wants me to help him take his mind off of things

Who says that to people…

This is date 

Plans….

So there’s this guy and we’ve been trying to make plans to hang out since mid-Spring quarter, and honestly I was getting to a point where I was like “I am never going to text him again”

Today he texted me, didn’t bother to ask if I was free but rather what I was doing.

Finally after weeks and weeks of trying to make plans we made plans

To be honest, it’s basically a date 

Like we’re gonna cook together and it’s just gonna be us

He’s even gonna pick me up from work for crying out loud 

It’s a date

I’m pretty sure he’s still with his gf

At least I think he is 

Anyways I have a date

But before this date I have hella shit to get ready, to clean, and papers to write

Ima kinda excited lolol

,,

You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (via fajinas)

(Source: larmoyante, via vodkakilledtheteens)